The Squirrel Knows More than 99% of You

squirrel-pope After taking the “How much do you know about religion” quiz, sponsored by The Pew Forum The Squirrel is proudly pushing out his cheeks like they are full of nuts.

He got 14 out of 15 right on the quiz, which is apparently better than all but one percent of the population.

Well, how much do YOU know about religion?

Take the Quiz

BamBam Jesus is a Hit

bambamjesus Call this outpouring, or a hip idea left over from this preacher’s favorite Saturday morning cartoon.

If you get Snake Bit, Don’t Sue the Church

The pictures say it all.

warning sign

snake handler (found on Christian Nightmares)

I See Satan when I Shower

showerdevil You’d think that cleanliness was next to godliness, but for the Csrefko family of Budapest, Hungary, they’ve stopped using their shower after seeing the devil’s face in their brand new shower tile.

According to the World Net Daily

"I was naked coming out of the shower and I could suddenly see his eyes staring into me," said a horrified wife, Andrea Csrefko, after bathing for the first time. "I just screamed and ran.”

“We can't clean it off and it wasn't there when we put the tiles up," said Andrea's 52-year-old husband, Laszlo. “It just appeared overnight and nothing can move it. The room is always ice cold no matter how high we turn the heating up and we've just stopped using it because it's too spooky. We wash in the sink downstairs now."

The family has now hired an exorcist to purge the evil spirits from the bathroom.

My biggest question is how clean can you get in a sink?

Circle the Fundamentalist Wagons around Montana

chuck_baldwin Pastor Chuck Baldwin is moving from Pensacola, Florida. He wrote a blog post to his followers to explain why. Here are portions, with a little JoS commentary.

I know unbelievers and skeptics have a hard time when I say this, but, we are moving to the Flathead Valley of Montana for the same reason we moved to Pensacola, Florida, 35 years ago: we know it is God’s perfect will for our lives. Period.

Did you ask the residents of Flathead? They don’t seem to think God told them you were coming.

Why else would we do it? Why would we leave the comfort and security of home, family, and friends? Why would we attempt such a major move in such an economically depressed housing and job market? Why would I walk away from the church that my wife and I started and have poured our hearts and souls into for over 35 years, and that took such very good care of us?

We aren’t sure, Chuck. But we aim to find out.

So, instead of moving south (like most every preacher you ever knew over the age of 50), I feel God moving me north (about 75-miles-south-of-the-Canadian-border kind of north!). And so does every man in my family. Count them: that’s 5 households and 17 people ranging in ages from 3 months to the upper 70s (I am 58).

Sort of like Abraham moving out of Ur. Have you figured out who the Lot character is in your family? Are any nephews moving with you?

I promise you, we have bathed this move in intense and prolonged prayer and meditation. This was not a quick decision. But why would God move us?

Maybe because he wanted you out of the limelight and someplace really quiet and remote.

For one thing, it became very plain to me that my ministry was over in Pensacola. The brook had dried up, to borrow from the life of Elijah.

You can’t borrow from the life of Elijah, he moved UP in a chariot of fire to Heaven, not in a caravan of U-Haul's to the border.

And I’ve known too many pastors who allowed their personal affections for a prolonged ministry to obfuscate the clear revelation and reality that their ministries had ended and it was time to move on. And in every such instance, the longer they stayed, the more the ministry declined. I had vowed many years ago to not let that happen to my wonderful church family. They deserved God’s best, even if that meant my departure.

If you did this for the best of your church, why did you just give the entire staff 30 days notice that their jobs would all be coming to an end? Seems there has already been too much obfuscation.

For another thing, my family and I are ardent patriots. To us, freedom and liberty are much more valuable and desirable than wealth and riches–or even comfort and security. And we believe God has been showing us that if there is a place left in America where true freedom has an opportunity to experience a rebirth, it is in the Mountain States of America’s great Northwest. I love the fact that Montana is often referred to as “The Last Best Place.” And as far as freedom and liberty are concerned, it just might be.

That is a marketing slogan, you nerd, just like Florida is The Sunshine State. It isn’t meant to be prophetic.

Now, we are not naïve. We realize that there are many Big-Government liberals and neocons in the Mountain States who will not be pleased to see us come.

Your neighbors in Idaho think you are getting too close as well. Have you considered purchasing an island somewhere?

Furthermore, it is our studied opinion that America is headed for an almost certain cataclysm. As Christians, we suspect that this cataclysm could include the judgment of God.

Dude, I hate to tell you this, but if God is coming and he is upset, he already knows where Montana is. You can’t hide there.

As students of history, we believe that this cataclysm will most certainly include a fight between Big-Government globalists and freedom-loving, independent-minded patriots. I would even argue that this fight has already started. And as this battle escalates (and it will most assuredly escalate), only those states that are willing to stand and fight for their independence and freedom will survive–at least in a state of freedom. And we believe that God has already put the love of liberty deep into the hearts of the people of the Mountain States; and we further believe that God is already calling (and will continue to call) many other freedom lovers to those states. One thing is for sure: we know He called us!

So this is really more of a political stand that you are making and using the name of God to endorse it. Maybe that is why God is actually upset.

alamo04_cast We are not going to Montana to sunbathe...or hibernate. We are going to fight! We are going to work! We are going to help the freedom-minded people of Montana make their stand for liberty! In many ways, the Mountain States just might become The Alamo of the twenty-first century, with, hopefully, much better results.

We are going to war against Mexico again?

But if not, I would rather die fighting for freedom with liberty-loving patriots by my side than be shuttled off to some FEMA camp after having been rejected and betrayed by soft-living, comfort-seeking, materialistic statists who simply “don’t get it” and have no desire to “get it,” which seems to be pretty much standard practice for a sizeable majority of people today–Christian and non-Christian–around most of the country.

You are a narcissist.

Add to the intrinsically oppressive nature of big-city liberalism and UN-sponsored globalism the out-of-control illegal immigration problem along the Southern Border and one has a recipe for disaster! And that is exactly what is coming: a disaster!

You are not an Old Testament prophet, but you think you are, don’t you?

If I am correct in my analysis, and Montana (and surrounding states) really is in store for a FREEDOM RUSH, then it is certain that patriotic businessmen, laborers, tradesmen, professionals, clergymen, physicians, technicians, and people from virtually every walk of life will find themselves among the “gathering of eagles.” From an economic and spiritual perspective alone, the prospect of such a rush could be not only exciting, but also historic!

I predict an EPIC FAIL!

I completely understand that Montana is not the Garden of Eden and that the Serpent is already there, waiting for us. I expect a fight. And I know I speak for the men of my family when I say, Bring it on!

What about the women? WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN!!!

So, living or dying, we intend to circle the wagons around the State of Montana and fight to our dying breath for the right of that State to live free!

Dude, I can nearly see Montana from my porch. They aren’t at war!

And while we are at it, we believe God will let us help many good, freedom-loving people of Montana find true inner freedom that comes from Christ alone. After all, any true student of American history knows that revival and revolution go hand in hand.

Glad you brought Jesus into this. That is why you made the Jesus or Squirrel Blog! Don’t you feel special?

To borrow from the Apostle Paul, “And now, behold, I go bound in the spirit unto [Montana], not knowing the things that shall befall me there.” (Acts 20:22)

You have got to quit borrowing these things from the Bible. Have you ever read Revelations 21:18? “For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book.”

But I also have faith in another Biblical principle: that God opens doors that no man can shut (Rev. 3:8). And for the Baldwin family, that open door is the Flathead Valley of Montana. And no recession, or ridicule, or opposition, or false accusation, or cold and snow can shut that door. Montana, here we come!

Are you relatives of the acting Baldwins? That would explain a lot.

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Why did I know that was coming? God save Montana. God save us all.

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