This is Grace

Justin Bieber is a Whoremonger in Training

justin-bieber That is according to Fred Phelps and his angry congregants at The Westboro Baptist Church.

Justin Bieber hails from Canada, land of the sodomite damned, where children are taught from birth to hate the Word of God and persecute all who faithfully preach it. This generation was raised to think you’re a freak if you’re not engaging in drunken, fornicating antics by the age of 14. Now it is Bieber's turn to teach millions of impressionable brats that God is a liar when He solemnly proclaims His standard, to wit: "Flee fornication.

Why are they upset at him? Because he isn’t singing about Jesus.

Justin Bieber has a platform given to him by God to speak to this world... but he refuses to do that because he knows his concert halls would be empty!

They plan to start picketing young Bieber’s concerts, cause I’m sure that is the best way to get their points home to him.

Teaching Children to Hate

We Can Know the Rapture and Judgment Day Dates

Even though Jesus said we wouldn’t know, some people apparently know better. The web site http://www.wecanknow.com/ is advertising the following facts:

This web site serves as an introduction and portal to four faithful ministries which are teaching that WE CAN KNOW from the Bible alone that the date of the rapture of believers will take place on May 21, 2011 and that God will destroy this world on October 21, 2011. Please take your time and browse through the teachings of Harold Camping, President of Family Radio. Study the proofs that God has so graciously given in His Word showing us that these dates are 100% accurate and beyond dispute.

Harold Camping, President of Family Radio, isn’t the only one advertising these dates. He has encouraged others to spread the word too. Marie Exley, even though she is unemployed, invested in park bench advertising in Colorado Springs to get people ready for Armageddon.

jesusreturndate.jpg

The Squirrel is jealous. He wants to advertise on bus benches too. At least until May 21, 2011.

 

Communion going to the Dogs

dog_communion A priest from St. Peter’s Anglican Church in Toronto, Canada has got into a bit of trouble for giving Holy Communion to a visitor’s pet dog.

According to The Montreal Gazette

Donald Keith, the dog's owner, said he took his pet to the church because he had heard animals were welcome.

"The minister said, 'Come up and take communion', and Trapper came up with me and the minister gave him communion as well," said Mr Keith.

He claimed that one member of the congregation was unhappy and complained to the archbishop. The dog has since been banned from receiving Holy Communion.

Hopefully he didn’t drink from the cup but only enjoyed one of the biscuits.

Sell Crazy Someplace Else

victoriajackson21 Victoria Jackson, of Saturday Night Live fame, must have gone to a few too many of the after-show parties.

On her recent rant against President Obama she invoked Old Testament scripture.

….I was reading in 1 Samuel 8 how Israel wanted a king and God did not want them to have a human king.  God was the King of Israel.  He gave them The Ten Commandments and other super smart laws, like not eating pork (it was not sanitary) and getting circumcised (prevention of disease), and ”an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth” (crime prevention).  God wanted people to obey Him because He is the smartest leader and loves us the most.  But, Israel wanted a king really, really bad. A human King. God relented.

King Saul was elected. And it was bad for everyone.

This reminds me of America.  When God was the King of America we were blessed.  Our founding fathers  built our country on the Judeo-Christian foundation of The Ten Commandments and the presence of no human King. The colonists were escaping the human king of England, seeking religious freedom and they set up our Government purposefully to prevent the corruption of power;  thus, the legislative, executive and judicial branches of Government – all balancing out one another.  No one man in charge.  No human king.  King God was engraved onto our money, put in our pledge, and carved into our buildings in Washington, D.C.

But, as time went on, just like Israel, we gradually started to take His blessings for granted, and abandon His laws.  We kicked God out of the courts, the public school system, our families, and our personal lives.  So, now we had no King.  And we wanted a king really, really bad.  A human king.  God relented.

King Obama was elected. And it was bad for everyone.

She wrote this marvelous braid of scripture, history, and hysterics (read the rest of her diatribe here) while she was naked in her backyard.

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Make an Old Song New by Adding Jesus Lyrics

Now you too can play the Black Eyed Peas song for your worship set. Maybe we could call this version Black Eyed Peace!

Modern Way to Plan a Traditional Church Wedding

cofe weddings There is no real reason for engaged couples to bother busy pastors with their nuptial negotiations any longer. Thanks to the Church of England’s new website www.yourchurchwedding.org (which draws a third of a million visitors a year) these couples can choose their wedding hymns, Bible readings, order of service, and personalized vows before ever meeting with a vicar.

The website is an effort by the Church of England’s ‘Weddings Project’ to get people back into church. Funny thing is, in an effort to get couples into the church buildings for a ceremony they are achieving less face time with the actual people of the Church.

The current top 5 popular hymns being selected by these couples are:

  1. Give Me Joy in My Heart
  2. Amazing Grace
  3. We Pledge to One Another
  4. Make Me a Channel of Your Peace
  5. Jerusalem

#3 is a proper wedding song
#4 was written by St. Francis who was never married
#5 wonders if Jesus ever visited England and if not then they should probably have a crusade,
#2 is usually done at funerals
#1 is a Sunday School hit. At least it has a verse about the virgins having oil in their lamps until sundown. I guess this could be an appropriate wedding song.

Also, according to the Church of England:

  • A wedding is legal only if it happens between 8am and 6pm
  • More than half of young adults dream of marriage one day
  • You can get married in a CofE church whatever your beliefs
  • Marriage keeps you healthy, wealthy and wise
  • The Church offers family-friendly weddings for couples with children
  • You don't have to marry on a Saturday
  • You don't have to marry in white
  • Top reasons for choosing a church wedding are the venue, the vows and the Vicar
  • One third of all UK weddings are church weddings
  • The CofE will be at major wedding shows across the UK in 2010
  • Marriage is good for your sex life and actually provides more and better sex.

Honey, You Shrunk the Church

smallchurch This church in Minnesota is smaller than a queen-size bed, smaller than the bed of a Chevy pickup, and just barely bigger than a Twister mat.

It is just big enough for a preacher and two congregants.

There are two, one-person pews in the church.

It has been dubbed the “Little Chapel on the Prairie.”

People want to be married there. They must not want many gifts.

It is located in a cemetery.

Bruce Larson, the builder intended it as a "memorial for the homesteaders who settled this area."

It’s cute.

They have no plans for expansion.

Drive Through Divine Intervention

WCNC TV station from Charlotte, NC recently posted the following video of Pastor Jonathan Richardson and his drive up prayer ministry. They titled the piece “Would you like God with that? Drive through offers prayer.”

My favorite part of the story though are the comments:

Would you like God with that. What a STUPID, disrespectful, irrevant headline. You've done some dumb things WCNC but this is about the dumbest!

--unbiased

What an interesting ministry? I love this. There should be more of these. We need more prayer in this country. That is what is wrong with it.

I do have to say WCNC, that headline sucks.

--cindib

This is not a stupid headline, some might actually find it inspiring, and if you don't agree then you have the freedom not to read it. I would love to know where some you saw food in the article? In any event, this church is trying to make a difference, and I praise them for that. Taking religion completely out of it, how many of you out there are trying to make a difference in your community, in any form or fashion?

--mirrorimage

Yes mirrorimage, it IS a stupid headline. Equating God with an order of fries. If you don't get it you're not too bright. Their calling it a drive thru as in McDonalds. And asking if you'd like God with your burger??? That's blasphemous. Only an idiot would write a headline like that.

--unbiased

This was predicted years ago, because sheeple have been living in a drive threw religion for years. Only looking to religion when it feels good, & rejecting it when it pleases them. Come to my aid god because I oder you as a supper sizer need.

--truthteller87

The commenters definitely need some prayer – drive in or otherwise.

Funding Missions through Stud Fees

toby_the_horse_01_t640 Once Jesus paid his taxes from a coin found in a fish’s mouth. Jim and Sharon Borgeson, of Baldwin City, KS believe that Jesus is funding missions through their horse Toby. But instead looking for this gift in the horse’s mouth, this seed money is coming from Toby’s stud fees.

"The Lord tells us in Scripture, behold, I'm doing a new thing, and sometimes it doesn't look like what we're accustomed to." – Reverend Bob Giffen, the Borgesons’ Pastor.

$400 of each $550 stud session goes to the charity “The People’s Horse Inc.” with the remainder going to the breeder.

The Borgesons themselves have worked as Toby’s agents in Nicaragua. This fall, the Borgesons will head to the country for the fourth time, this time to supervise the building of a church there paid for with Toby-secured funds.

Toby’s never gotten to go to Nicaragua himself, but this summer, a little bit of him will touch down there. A few months ago, the ministry was gifted a mare, named Red, by a Baldwin City woman. Red is now pregnant by Toby, and she soon will be headed to Nicaragua. There, she will give birth, and the hope is that another arm of the ministry will be born in Central America, thus continuing Toby’s legacy.

“We’re hoping that she has a son,” says Jim, getting teary-eyed just at the thought. “And his name will be ‘El Hijo de Toby,’ which stands for the ‘son of Toby.”

Though this sounds like a story from The Onion, it is actually quoted from the Lawrence Journal World and News.

I’m wondering if anyone will pay for The Squirrel’s stud fees if he gives 73% to Christian Charity? The JoS website could be turned into “The People’s Squirrel Inc.” I guess we’ll pray about it.

Hitler’s Stormtroopers were Homosexuals, Not sure about Vadar’s

“Hitler discovered he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders but that homosexual soldiers basically had no limits to the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict on whoever sent them after.”

Once again Brian Fischer and the American Family Association make me want to add an ‘Idiot’ tag to the JoS score card. For now we will just chalk this up to the bad fruit of religion.

Are Human Dominos Proof of the Holy Spirit?

Is Kenneth Hagin playing human dominos with the crowed really the evidence of the Holy Spirit?

Jesus Appears in Portuguese Playboy

To mark Nobel-winning writer Jose Saramago's death, Portuguese Playboy took inspiration from Saramago novel The Gospel According to Jesus Christ—a fictional reimagining of Christ's life as a flawed human—with explicit images showing Jesus glowing in the corner during a lesbian sex scene, next to a street hooker, and over the shoulder of a random topless lady reading a book. – Gawker

No link provided as it is NSFW

jesus_playboy This even made The Squirrel upset.

Be Anointed Like Todd Bentley!

FF-SoS-The-Anointing-Workbo

Friends it has been in my heart for years to do this brand new school of the spirit, an intensive school on the Anointing. I've learned many things over the years about the power of God and how to flow in the anointing. In this intensive 4 day school I want to impart it to you. Teaching will include how to steward and minister the anointing, fresh oil, Holy spirit, different anointings, kingly oil, healing and the anointing, how to flow in the Holy Ghost and more. There will be lots of personal ministry and impartation times. Expect refreshing and the joy of the Lord.

Those that register for the Anointing School by July 5th will receive the special edition manual signed by Todd Bentley with a personal message tailored just for you!

The Squirrel tried to register, but was denied a spot in the brand new school. I think it was his insistence that he wanted the un-special edition of the manual, no signature by Todd, and a 20% discount.

Watching Chuck Swindoll Die

chuckswindoll Recently Pastor Chuck Swindoll, aged 75, (pastor of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas, and radio host of the popular Insight For Living radio broadcast) shared the following at a pastor’s conference:

"One of my great goals in life is to live long enough to where I am in the pulpit, preaching my heart out, and I die on the spot, my chin hits the pulpit—boom!—and I'm down and out. What a way to die!"

Maybe Chuck needs to consider how potentially disturbing that scene would be for his 5000+ member congregation, including the over 1200 children. Whatever happened to passing away peacefully in your sleep or secretly wishing for a chariot like Elijah? Why does Chuck feel the need to take one on the chin for Jesus?

Maybe his church board needs to set down with him and outline some insights for dying.

Watch TV the Way Jesus Does

doerstv According to Doer’s TV.com they are the Internet’s first true Christian Network. Their premise is simple- present the Gospel through free Christian programming (tv shows, reality shows, and movies).

They have 21 channels of material. But be warned, not everything is as it may seem.

  • The Women’s Channel is actually just filled with Beth Moore videos. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but Beth just doesn’t encompass all of Christian femininity, or at least I hope she doesn’t.
  • The Food Channel must be on a diet as there are no videos available. Maybe their are no Christian chefs.
  • The Christian Sports network also scores a big zero for being empty. Tim Tebow where are you?
  • The “”How To channel is limited to “How to Witness” featuring Kirk Cameron. I wonder how many Way of the Master graduates it takes to screw in a lightbulb?
  • Channel 4 is the Steven Wright School of Ministry. I thought that guy was the comedian who said things like, “I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.” Who knew he also did ministry training? I guess he always was a peripheral visionary.

If you click on the Power Button underneath their player you will find out how God had given them the Power to make the programming free. I clicked on it for you. It is a mixture of online advertising and a Christian home shopping network.

Yes, it is pleasant to have a Christian network that doesn’t solicit viewers for donations, charge a monthly subscriptions, or air fundraising telethons. Just wish they had something worth watching.