I Recognize This Man

If you’re eating Chick-fil-A are you eating Anti-Gay?

Dan Cathy Statement from Chick-fil-A on Vimeo.

No, just because the southern United States’ most famous chicken outlet feeds people working on their marriage doesn’t mean they are against the homosexual community. The Cathy is happy to feed Jesus chicken to anybody.

Chick-fil-A started their business in the Atlanta suburb of Hapeville, not Hateville.

(this post has been sponsored by Cowz. Eat Mor Chikin!)

Church Sign Resolution

church_signWhat does this even mean? Can you do something to get closer to Jesus or make Jesus get closer to you?

If so, please send this church your ideas because apparently they don’t think Jesus is close enough to them, but they are ready to do something about it.

Thank you.

Worship Fashion gone Secular

I saw a Christian T-shirt with this logo on the front promoting loud worship.

worship_tshirtSince Squirrels have been co-opting popular, secular brands and sayings for years now, this religious image is ripe for a rip off.

Here’s one!

worship_tshirt2 Now it’s your turn. Email me your submissions and I’ll add them to the post.

Boy George Returns Jesus

Boy George didn’t find Jesus in prison, but upon his release he decided to return him to Cyprus.

E8A970E9Former Culture Club star Boy George is planning to return a stolen icon of Jesus Christ to its rightful home after 26 years.

The 49-year-old singer bought the icon at a London art dealer in 1985 but didn't know where it had come from.

However the icon was stolen from the Church of Cyprus after the Turkish invasion and he is now planning to take it back to where it came from after keeping it safe for almost 30 years.

He said: 'I'm happy it is going back to its original, rightful home. I've always been a friend of Cyprus and have looked after the icon for 26 years.'

Many religious artifacts went missing from northern Cyprus after Turkey's invasion in 1974.

Monster’s & Critics website

In other news, after Culture Club, Boy George founded a band called, “Jesus Loves You” that featured lyrics about love, spirituality and equality of all human beings.

“Yes We Can!” = “Thank You Satan”

This ignorant poster took excerpts from Obama’s acceptance speech in Chicago and morphed it forwards and backwards to make it appear sinister.

Here is some of the commentary from the video

Because of have not been schooled in the phenomenon of speech reversals, it’s easy to dismiss it as too far-fetched.

Where exactly do you get your schooling for speech reversal?

If you think you hear words, or even if you just think others might actually hear words, give the possibility further consideration, for your own sake.

For my own sake? What the heck does that mean? I am in more danger from the 2nd donut I ate this morning than I am from this speech!

There is more to this than backwards spelling or backwards phonetics.

Yep, it is called fear-inducing, conspiracy obsessed, devil glorification. And you are the high priest.

In the backward masked charge from the Christian Band Petra in their song, Judas’ Kiss - “What are you looking for the devil for when you ought to be looking for the Lord?”

Thanks to my friend Tawna for sending me the link to the Obama speech.

If your Dog Eats your Bible Send him to Hell

pitbull bible Miriam Smith, a woman from South Carolina, discovered that her nephew’s Pit-Bull had been gnawing on her Bible. As this wasn’t the way she wanted her family to Feed on the Word or Digest the Scriptures she did what all sane people would do. She hung him from a tree with electrical cord and then burned the dead dog’s carcass before hiding it under a grass pile.

She told the authorities that due to its very unchristian-like behavior it was a “devil dog’ and worried that it would harm the neighborhood children. The authorities seemed more concerned about Mrs. Smith’s behavior and arrested her. She faces 6 months to five years in prison if she is convicted of animal cruelty. At least she will have some quality time to study her Bible.

Praying is for the Birds

Ya, a “bless me Christian” definitely taught this bird to pray.

If your pet prayed like you, what would they mimic?

Jesus Hates Obama Commercial

Fox has rejected a proposed Super Bowl ad from a conservative comedy site called JesusHatesObama.com.

Jesus, who doesn’t mind a good joke now and then also didn’t like the ad. “I couldn’t figure out what was supposed to be funny…” And remember, he knows everything.

Women Coping with Men who don’t go to Church

What are some the excuses your man has given you for not going to church with you?

Visit WWW.GetSavedMan.com to learn more!

Dryer Lint Last Supper

SPL239637_001

How many loads of laundry do you have to wash to get enough lint to build a 14 foot replica of Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous painting, The Last Supper? Answer- it took Michigan’s Laura Bell over 1000 hours to create.

She told NPR in an interview that she took on this project having been lured by the $250,000 grand prize for an art contest. Sadly, she lost to a mural sized drawing titled "Cavalry, American Officers, 1921." NPR reports:

Her kids, she said, thought she was crazy when she started doing this, but then as the piece started to come together, they became believers.

No, not that kind of believers.

Click on the picture for a larger image

Awkward Questions about Jesus

Ever feel like you don’t have all the right answers?

How to Claim a Property for God

Do you want to run a cute little church in Massachusetts? Jessica does too! Her strategy consists of the following:

  1. Make a big thumbs up with both hands.
  2. Lay hands on the church.
  3. Pray
  4. Yell, “BLOOD OF JESUS!”
  5. Make a prophetic snow angel
  6. Move to the next side of the building and pose for pictures in faith like you are already the pastor.

I can’t make too much fun of Jessica. I’ve done hand laying and promise claiming on a couple of buildings in my day too. In one case the building miraculously became a church. In the other the building was bulldozed to the ground.

Lose Weight With Rick Warren

rick_warren You too can lose weight on the Purpose Driven Diet!

The Daniel Plan, based on the prophet Daniel who chose healthy eating instead of the king's rich foods, is a yearlong, churchwide program to help the Saddleback parishoners get physically healthier. Here are the details as published by The Christian Post.

"The Bible says that God wants you to be as healthy physically as you are spiritually," said Warren in a video announcing the event. "The plan will help you feel better, look better, have more energy, get in shape, and use your body the way God wants you to."

Obesity is a growing epidemic in the U.S., said Warren, who cited statistics showing 76 percent of Americas are overweight. His church is not excluded from the figure. Last fall, he noticed that during a baptism service of more than 800 people that most of them were overweight.

There’s nothing like seeing 800 of your good sized parishioners in their bathing suits to decide that your church needs to go on a congregational diet.

The megachurch pastor promised to commit to the program, revealing that he has gained 3 pounds each year during his 30 years at Saddleback.

"I can't ask you to get healthy if I won't," he said.

The fitness plan is part of Saddleback's Decade of Destiny, the church's spiritual growth and expansion plan for the next 10 years. The Daniel Plan's launched on January 15 at 8:30 a.m. local time.

What wasn’t mentioned in the live simulcast was that Daniel’s diet was actually based on Jewish food regulations, and not about the calorie content in the pork ribs. Daniel decided to go on a vegetable and water diet only, which is far stricter than what Rick Warren’s plan calls for.

While Warren has promised to lose 90lbs in this fitness plan, the Squirrel thinks he should be held accountable to the diet by threatening to throw him to Daniel’s lions if he fails.

The Biblical Reason the Birdies and Fishies are Dying

According to Prophetess Cindy Jacobs, when a nation makes decisions against God’s principles the result is occurrences of natural disasters.

This video raises some important questions:

  • Are the blackbird murders in Arkansas tied to the DADT repeal?
  • Are blackbirds a sign of homosexuality?
  • Who dresses Cindy Jacobs?

Come Together?

I don’t think this video makes either Jesus or The Beatles very happy.

Found at JesusNeedsNewPR