Religious Reality TV– SAVE ME!

My friend Jim Henderson is putting together a reality program where people of different faiths “go to any length to spread their message.”

Contestants will play for the opportunity to have their message heard and possibly win converts, as well as the chance to win a significant cash prize that will be donated to the cause or organization of the winner’s choice.

If you are interested, go to the audition page and submit your video application by midnight, September 6, 2011.

Here are the questions you will need to cover in your 4 minute video:

  1. What is your name and where are you from?
  2. What religion do you practice or follow and what is the name of your denomination or
    group within the religion?  (ex. Christian, Presbyterian)
  3. Do you believe it is the one true or best religion? Yes/No    Why? (50 words or less)
  4. What’s your story of being “saved or joining” your religion? (150 words or less)
  5. What is the process your religion typically uses to convert people? What does it look like? (150 words or less)
  6. What happens to people who accept your faith? Tell us about the afterlife reward (100
    words or less)
  7. What happens to people who reject your religion’s beliefs? Tell us about the afterlife
    punishment. (100 words or less)
  8. Why are you willing to give up several weeks of your life with no pay? (100 words or less)

Crack in Washington Monument is a Sign from God

Televangelist Pat Robertson suggested Wednesday that cracks in the Washington Monument caused by the August 23 earthquake could be a sign from God, and the natural disaster “means that we’re closer to the coming of the Lord.”

To explain the rare east coast quake, Robertson pointed to the Biblical prophecy of the end of the world, which claims there could be potential devastation from natural disasters leading up to Jesus' return to Earth.

On his television show, "The 700 Club," Robertson said:

"I don't want to get weird on this, so please take it for what it's worth, but it seems to me the Washington Monument is a symbol of America's power. It has been the symbol of our great nation, we look at that monument and we say this is one nation under God. Now there's a crack in it."

"Is that a sign from the Lord? Is that something that has significance, or is it just the result of an earthquake?" Robertson asked his viewers.

When asked about it God just responded, "You know Pat. He just cracks me up!"

Christian lady talks about people who don't act like Christians

...and then she demonstrates what she is talking about.

The Judgment found stashed in Episcopal Church

judgment

A famous Rembrandt sketch called, The Judgment, was stolen last week at the Ritz-Carlton in Marina del Rey. It was recovered by deputies after being tipped off that the famous artwork had been seen in the office of Father Mike Cooper at the Saint Nicholas Episcopal Church in Encino, California.

No one has been arrested for the theft.The pastor is not considered to be a suspect. Deputies removed the sketch and took it back to their precinct lockup.

Hopefully this won’t be the last time judgment is removed from the house of God.

Italian Monks call for Plague of Diarrhea

jesus with gun

GIVE ME BACK MY BIBLE!!! (Jesus in his best Mel Gibson voice from the movie Ransom.)

A group of Franciscan friars furious at the theft of bibles from their church in Florence have taken the unusual step of praying for the thief to be struck down by diarrhea.

Friars at the 15th century church of San Salvatore al Monte, which was a favorite of Michelangelo, were irritated when a rare and expensive bible disappeared from the lectern, and they flew off the handle when a replacement bible donated by a worshipper also went missing and within a few hours.

In a note, pinned up in full view of worshippers, the friars say they hope the thief sees the error of his ways. But in case he does not, they add: "We pray to God that the thief is struck by a strong bout of the shits."

This turn of events will, they hope, "encourage him to carry out no further thefts".

Described by La Stampa newspaper as "the product of the Tuscan ability to be ironic about anything", the note and its unorthodox request will be forgiven, claim one of the friars. "It is not exactly clean language," the friar said, "but we couldn't put up with it any longer. The Lord and the faithful will understand."

found at The Guardian

Apparently if someone needs a shirt, you are supposed to give them your jacket too. If they want you to carry their school books for a mile, you carry it a second one. But if they need, and take, your Bible, you should call down a good case of the shits on them.

Michele Bachmann is King David

Hey-BP-Michele-Bachmann-Loves-Her-Some-OilPeter Waldron, a staffer involved in Michele Bachmann’s faith outreach, has compared Texas Governor Rick Perry to Old Testament King Saul and Bachmann to King David. On his Facebook page the day after Bachmann’s straw poll victory in Iowa on Saturday, Waldron wrote, "From afar and in prayer I see a Saul and David scenario between Perry and Bachmann. One looks everything like a king while the other is anointed." Waldron later told his followers that Bachmann "fights with the anointing of God upon her."

found on Religion Dispatches

Dare I say, SQUIRREL!

Tune in next week when Bachmann is compared to Moses.

Even Jesus Thinks Rick is an Jerk

Ten steps to make Jesus rethink unconditional love.

  1. Find someone on Craigslist trying to find a good home for their dog.
  2. Pretend to be somebody that you’re not.
  3. Pretend to provide care that you won’t give.
  4. Take ownership of the dog.
  5. Place a new ad the next day on Craigslist selling the same dog for money.
  6. Make up a story to this family too.
  7. Ignore original owner when they call to check up on their dog.
  8. Start process over.
  9. When caught, lie.
  10. When a reporter shows up, pretend that you know and love Jesus.

Footprints In the Sand – Updated

Footprints_In_The_Sand_by_madilar"That time you looked back and only saw one set of footprints? That's when I unfollowed you."

No Longer Welcome at New Welcome Baptist

Stop me if you’ve heard this one.

Fight Worth FightingThe Worship leader and the Senior Pastor weren’t getting along. The pastor didn’t like the Worship leader’s song selections, probably didn’t like his attitude and choice of foot ware either.

The Worship leader didn’t like the Senior Pastor either. Figured he should stick to teaching the Word and stop micromanaging the other ministries in the church, especially since he couldn’t carry a tune to save his life.

It all came to a head during communion, when Christian brothers are supposed to deal with their oughts against each other. Pastor Riley held out the grape juice to Worship leader Simone Moore but Simone wouldn’t take it from him. This caused Pastor Riley to get hot, cause Lord knows the refusal was nothing less than insubordination.

Pastor Riley decided to fire Simone after church the next Sunday in the presence of all the deacons. Simone decided to ask for his last paycheck with his mother, Agolia, as his witness.

"They owed him. He asked them for his money. That was the big thing right there, wasn't no more or no less," Agolia said.

That was when Deacon Hunt pulled out his knife and started slashing at people, hitting Agolia in the arm.

“Oh my god he done cut me!" yelled Agolia.

Simone, not one to watch his mother be attacked without fighting back whipped out his taser and zapped Pastor Riley.

Agolia, who required 19 stitches and a surgery says she know longer feels welcome at New Welcome Baptist Church and will look for a new place to worship God. Simone will look for a new job. Riley will look for a more affable worship leader. And Jesus will look for better representation in Prichard, Alabama.

Captain Israel vs. Foreskin Man

Whether you see circumcision as Male Genital Mutilation or a sacred religious right you now have a superhero fighting for your cause.

Which do you think looks best is superhero tights? Actually, never mind.

2011-08-02-foreskinci

Original article at Huffington Post by author John Shore