Snake-handling Pastor dies from… you guessed it

snakehandlerlargeWest Virginia Pentecostal Pastor ‘Mack’ Wolford boasted on Facebook this last week about a special home-coming service he was hosting over the weekend. Turns out he wasn’t so good with snake handling, but he was pretty darn prophetic.

Mark 16: 17-18 reads, "And these signs shall follow them that believe: In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues. They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover."

His sister, Robin Vanover, told the Washington Post 30 minutes into the service her brother passed around a rattlesnake. “He laid it on the ground and he sat down next to the snake, and it bit him on the thigh.”

Please note that the scripture said nothing about putting down the snakes, just taking them up. Mack’s problem was that he just wasn’t taking the Bible literally enough.

Though the squirrel would like to feel sorry for this pastor, he sort of saw it coming. Seems that Mack’s dad also died of snake bite in a similar service when he was 39 years old. Now the family has two Darwin awards to its name.

Pastors in Skinny Jeans? God Help Us.

Why is it that when I watch this video I want to poke out my eyes and take a 3 hour shower?

Abuse the Gay Away

To the dismay of many religious circles the “Pray the Gay Away” programs just don’t seem to be working. A North Carolina pastor has challenged his congregation to try a new tactic when their male sons act effeminate – to punch them.

"So your little son starts to act a little girlish when he is four years old and instead of squashing that like a cockroach and saying, 'Man up, son, get that dress off you and get outside and dig a ditch, because that is what boys do,' you get out the camera and you start taking pictures of Johnny acting like a female and then you upload it to YouTube and everybody laughs about it and the next thing you know, this dude, this kid is acting out childhood fantasies that should have been squashed.

Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok? You are not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male. And when your daughter starts acting too butch, you reign her in. And you say, 'Oh, no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play them to the glory of God. But sometimes you are going to act like a girl and walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl and that means you are going to be beautiful. You are going to be attractive. You are going to dress yourself up.'"

The pastor now says his words were meant to be funny.

How come nobody is laughing?

Maybe we could all decide to punch pastors in the mouth when they say something that is unloving and doesn’t represent Jesus at all.

Just joking.